thoughts while missing you...

I closed my eyes and picture you right next to me, i can see you clearly like its real and meant to be. With those so soft lips that brings life to my fire, your so strong grasp that i always desire. I feel wanted, I feel that distinct warm, as i look at those dazzling clear brown eyes. I look at you with such a calm and sweet simple smile on your face, with it i know that memories with you cannot be erased. As our bodies collide and feel you next to me, i give in deeply cause that's what i want it to be. I look at you again, holding your face with both of my hands. saying things that i never expected myself to say before. You look at me with such appreciation, and i gave in with such admiration. I wanted you to be happy and that's all i want and that's how i love you so. i loved you and will always do, for you and not for myself. i know these moments will only be there as my eyes remain closed. i wish you all the best in life, and if you ever need my help, you know where to find me. I will always be there for you and i will be in a heartbeat. these thoughts will remain, and it'll take time and only God knows when I'll be able to be free from these chains. but I'll deal with it, cause all i need to do is to close my eyes to see you clearly, smiling with those dazzling clear brown eyes. it gives me strength, keeps me moving. though every time i open my eyes tears follow through, because all i ever wanted is to really be with you.

what I thought before...

I thought I was falling, I thought so indeed.. it was worth my calling, I thought I was in need.. things just happened in an instant, wasn't meant to be in the end.. I thought it was going to remain constant, well at least I enjoyed at first.. it was worth the time indeed, never thought that I have to plead.. things just happened in an instant, but it didn't last that long.. I thought I was falling, well I guess that's what I wanted deep inside.. but in the end I've realized that I was just rushing things, it was really obvious and impossible to hide.. the feeling was somewhat real, but its complicated and was never worth to seal.. and just after giving myself enough time to think, I realized how funny I was.. It was never meant to be and I was just rushing things that I thought I was falling for someone and in the end got hurt, it was my fault indeed and I will never deny that fact.. it was worth it, but I could have shown more.. its a little sad, cause of the time I've somewhat wasted.. but it wasn't as bad as it sounds, for I had fun and it just wasn't meant to be in the end.. I thought I was falling for you, well that's what I thought before.. sorry for bothering, I was just wondering.. things have changed a lot, I thought it will remain the same after all this time.. but I was wrong, I thought it will be and again I was wrong.. I thought I was falling for you, but yeah, that was what I thought before... ^_^

As Promised and As Always

Once i wrote something about anything or anyone, it only means I'm letting it all go. memories will still be there, but life is an ongoing process that doesn't need to be always fair. Those things that happened was a part of growing up, though it was a hell for me but still its not enough for me to stop. I am me, and i will always be. I'll move along with whatever life may throw at me, cause i have Him and it's more than enough for me to face whatever it is that is waiting for me in the next chapter of my life. The future awaits, the present dictates, and the past will just be reminding us of what we did, who we were, and what to do for a better and strong present you. it'll take time, but that doesn't mean its impossible. just have patience, waiting is worth it especially if you know what or who it is that you are waiting for. good luck to us all! -ai_saretai

3rd hike with a sudden stranger

Santa Cruz it is... never thought it'll be like this... it wasn't as tough as garrapata park in big sur -not even half of the effort needed.. but the view was pleasant enough to bond with nature.. bikers and hikers are obviously enjoying the sunny weather..

The few, the authentic, the wild, fresh just in the side of the path. i was fascinated so i took a picture LOL!

My 2nd Hike

same spot, same route, it was odd, but it was fun... stopped more than 5 times as i went up hill... i remember someone said "its good for you" well, i guess it was indeed... i had a lot of fun though i was just on my own... the view up above was a treat for myself.

the hike gave me enough time to think about things through.. i was down yet i managed to go through.. Like the rainbow after the heavy rain, I'm letting go of everything and all the pain.. its been tough, and ridiculously reckless but all was worth the time for me to return to my senses.. -ai_saretai

My First Hike

It was a hell of fun and experience. Yeah, i was able to meet and know the source of my previous confusion(which is now so clear so no offense to his half hehe) more than i could ever imagine. and yes, we're friends like REAL FRIENDS now and I'd like to keep it that way than losing him. surprisingly, it was really fun being with that person. with him, i was able to be the real me, he was so comfortable to talk with. I listen, he listens, that's something we both share as friends cause we really do know each other for quite a while. well, i was like shaking at first cause i didn't know how to react with the thought and obvious fact of him being just next to me and it was like WOW as i listen and observe him and his actions! He was obviously very smart and curious at the same time and very funny as well. Loves and appreciates nature even in its simplest form, it was so cute. The experience has exceeded my expectations, well i was obviously overwhelmed at first but it was all worth the sweat. The view was breathtaking, the place was really something that i never expected that it would look like that from above. well, we obviously walked up the mountain hill like in a SERIOUS up hill trail that even my yoga breathing exercise didn't work that much. paused for almost 10 times i guess and that was the time where i do the breathing exercise. Hiking is really different from running, like more extreme in a adventurous way -i actually didn't believe the idea until i experienced it myself. I found a new hobby to explore and learn more aside from running and yoga -thanks to him. but i prefer yoga more and still. ^^

Thoughts of you...

The curves of your face still lingers in my memory
Those sweet soft lips which seemed to bring epiphany
Calm hazel eyes gives life to a fire
Deceiving looks that brings out ones desire
Facial expressions that defines your unique taste
Direct and practical view that makes sure that theres no time to waste
Sensitive and tough, thats who you are
That is how i define you as i think of you underneath the stars...