Lost and Frustrations

I am lost
Lost in this cruel world
I’ve been here for more than a year
Almost near two
I don’t know why I’m feeling this way
I just don’t know what to say
Either be a failure or a bum
There’s no difference at all
I want a life and I want it now
And until now, I don’t know how
I need answers, I need to find one
But sometimes I feel like there is none
Why is it so easy to say but so damn hard to do?
Maybe because I’m still living in the past
Though it was worth it but still not enough
I’m almost living in a lie
A life I created to fill the things that I lack
Day dreaming, imagining, and planning
Plans incongruous with reasons
This is what I am now
crazy isn't it?
I almost given up on everything
Self pity? Not a chance
It’s all about reality
The cruel real world where I am now
And I’m not sure anymore
Cause I’m scared of myself now
Though I’m still in control
I don’t know when will I’ll be anymore
Cause once I let go of my faith
Everything will change and will turn into hate
It’s not a warning and not even a sign
It’s me, and I will make it worth my time.